Day Twenty one. A sad day but not the end...yet!

I has intended getting up at some unearthly hour to go for a run but had a lousy night with coughing and waiting for a phone call. The phone call never came so after a shower and breakfast we set for the hospital an hour and a half away.

When we got there my sister in law was awake and had various drips and oxygen but the hospital said they were slowly withdrawing her medication of turning the oxygen down and eventually taking it off altogether. They said she might go quite quickly or may keep going for 2-3 days.

To begin with my partner (her brother) and I were the only ones there. We sat and talked to her until the staff said they wanted to clean her up and tidy her hair so we went to the cafe. When we returned her mother and stepfather were in the waiting room. When we went back in they had removed all but the oxygen mask. When her three children and estranged husband turned up they removed the oxygen mask. Alison kept breathing for herself. We were all in tears and strangely silent. I wanted them all to talk and remember good times like when my mum was in hospital but we sat in silence.

Eventually I went outside to ring my stepson to see if he was coming to the hospital or going home to be with my 13 year old daughter after she came from school. He opted to go home. While I was talking to him I walked around the hospital grounds. After I finished talking to him I decided to ring my brother who I hadn't spoken to for a while and I was on the phone to him for nearly an hour still walking around the hospital grounds.

Therefore without thinking about it I walked around for about 1 hour 10 minutes.

We left around 5pm. There had been no change in Alison's breathing and we kissed her goodbye assuming that we won't see her again.

I feel exhausted now.